You're listening to Episode 19 of the fat fuelled female podcast.
Welcome to the fat fuelled female podcast. I'm your host Marja Chow, a holistic nutritionist, personal trainer and proud dog mama of two. I am obsessed with helping women achieve their goals, feel confident in their skin, and become empowered health advocates. This podcast is designed to help ambitious women thrive on a low carb, high fat lifestyle. So tune in each week, as we talk all aspects of nutrition, improving your fitness, enhancing your mindset, so that you can take inspired action, and live your best life all starting from the inside out. I'm so happy to have you here. Now let's get started.
Hello, and welcome back to the fat fuelled female Podcast. Today, we're going to talk about one of my favorite topics, victimhood, compared to taking responsibility for your life. Now, a lot of the times people can be like, I'm not a victim, but we all have done it, or we all do it.
And the first step is checking yourself, and acknowledging how often and how frequent you may or may not be doing this. So when we find ourselves in victimhood, we are getting some form of benefit from it. Otherwise, we wouldn't do it right.
We don't do things, humans don't do things, unless there is some form of benefit. So when you're in victimhood, when you have victim mentality, you get attention from people, you may be get sympathy, oh poor, you, people feel bad for you.
So you again get more attention. You don't have to take risks, you can stay in your comfort zone, you don't have to put yourself out there, you don't have to face judgment or criticism.
So I'm going to explain victimhood and taking responsibility for your life like this. So you have two voices inside your head. One is referred to as your ego. The other one is referred to as your higher self.
And I'll explain it like this, the ego is to protect you and keep you safe. The higher self is to guide you, to get you to grow to to expand, to push far beyond your limits. Because you know, as cliche as it sounds, the only limits you have are the limits you put on yourself.
And the limits you put on yourself come from the ego, because your ego wants to keep you safe. It wants to keep you in a place that is familiar, that is comfortable. Now we require both the ego and the higher self to function.
Think of your ego for you to survive, and think of your higher self for you to thrive. Now, the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. And the most important conversations you have are the ones you have with yourself.
So those two voices in your mind in your head are having multiple conversations a day, your mind has over 60,000 thoughts a day. And with that being said, Every day you're having full on internal conversations with yourself.
Now, the problem is an unchecked ego. And unchecked ego harms us. It's basically saying my shit doesn't stink. And one of the biggest obstacles for people to change, make change and grow comes from the ego.
Because the ego thinks it knows it all. And it doesn't like to be wrong and it doesn't want to be challenged. So think of it like this.
The ego turns the mirror outwards. Say something goes wrong in a business deal or you get in an argument with a friend or your partner. The ego deflects the ego turns the mirror outwards and is like it isn't my fault points the finger at everyone except yourself.
Whereas the higher self when that business deal doesn't work out or you get in an argument with If your friend or your partner, it turns the mirror inward.
What was my role in this? What was my reaction? How did I make that other person feel?
How was I showing up. So basically, ego energy comes from victimhood mentality. And higher self energy comes from taking responsibility for your life. So victim energy, it's very anxious, it's worried, it's frantic, it's frantic energy.
And the biggest emotion that comes from the ego, and comes from victim is fear. With victim mentality, everything has to go this way, or else.
It has a very, very rigid way of thinking, acts needs to happen, for me to feel good, or know that I am worthy, or quote unquote, successful. victimhood is giving all your energy and personal power away to the external or material world.
And when you do this, you give away, as I just said, your personal power, since you place so much value, and energy on a lot of things that are often out of our control.
Now, responsibility, Higher Self energy, feeling free, feeling content with yourself. Higher Self energy is neutral energy, it's very light energy, there is no charge, it's being in flow, knowing that happiness and joy is an internal state, not based on the external world and external validation.
Responsibility is really having that deeper connection within. And I talk about this and teach this in the fat fuelled female method because once you cannot distinguish these two voices in your head, it will change everything in your life, because you're taking the time to examine your inner thoughts, and past behaviors.
And you learn how to recognize patterns, or limiting beliefs, or self sabotaging behaviors. And really, you examine how much energy you are putting into blame victimhood?
Or are you taking more responsibility for your life, and only by you, sitting in the silence, and examining your past and your reactions, and your behaviors, then you will come to terms with this.
So I'm going to dive deeper and give you three examples of what it means to live in victimhood, so I'm just making these up.
So example number one, say you're in a relationship, and you've been with your partner for five years, you've been with him or her for five years, and your partner steps out of the relationship, and he or she cheats on you, and the trust is broken. And you sit around with your girlfriends, and you're like, oh my gosh, that dirty dog that jerk. I can't believe he cheated on me. Blah blah blah blah. Okay I do not condone cheating or infidelity. But what I want you to consider in this scenario, if this happened, you need to examine your role in the relationship, turn that mirror inwards.
How was the communication between the two of you? Were you spending quality time together? Was there a lot of arguments? Were you intimate? Were you on the same page? Were you guys actually happy.
And again, I don't condone cheating or any of that, but it's you examining your role in this scenario, your role in this relationship and taking some form of responsibility for whatever has panned out.
Now, example number two, say you're driving to work and all the sudden you get rear ended, okay, like nine times out of 10 or maybe almost 10 times out of 10. When you get rear ended, it is not your fault. It's 100% not your fault most of the time.
What I want you to consider, did you have to drive that way to work? Were you on time were you running behind? What was your state when you were driving? Were you aware? Were you angry? Were you talking to your friend on the phone? Were you eating Were you drinking coffee?
Like there's so many variables that could come to terms with this, did you have to drive to work? Were you going to carpool Could you take in taking the bus or whatever?
So it's like, yes, it was not your fault. But what was your role, you drove down that street or on that highway, or whatever time it was, and you had some form of responsibility for what happened.
And the last example, I'm going to say here is, say, someone screws you over in a business deal, say you invested in some company, and the person you invested with said, You were gonna get X amount of dollars back, and then you end up getting like you don't get your money back, or you lose all your money, or whatever it is. And when there's money on the table, I understand it stings, it sucks.
But again, these are all hypotheticals, these are all made up. But what I want you to consider is say this happened, there was something about that person, energetically that you were attracted to, they didn't force you to open up your wallet and write a check or give a bank draft or whatever it is, you have to take some from a responsibility for saying yes to that person, and trusting that person.
So I have an example here, with my business, I actually contracted out for a couple of different projects that needed to get done in my business. And one of the contractors I hired, looked at this person's portfolio, I was blown away. I'm like, this is the person.
And when I actually worked with this person, I was not impressed. Everything wasn't completed on time. The work wasn't up to standard of what I thought it could be. And I Yes, did have a lot of that victim mentality, like, oh my gosh, this person sucks. They're empty promises. I had to reflect I had to turn that mirror inwards and be like, okay, Marja, what was your role in this, you were drawn to this person, you opened your wallet and gave them your credit card, because you were interested in working with them.
You did a call with them, they sold you on the call, so I have to take some form of responsibility. Again, I wasn't forced to work with this person. And what did I learn from that?
I learned that I have to state what my expectations are, I need to be more strict with my boundaries. And I need to do more due diligence on researching the person. So that's what I learned from that, right?
And there's always going to be scenarios that come up in our life. Because no matter what, there's always going to be issues and circumstances and problems that happen. That's life. And life is about choice. And you can choose, you can choose to look at everything coming your way, as a victim. Why does this happen to me blaming pointing fingers, not learning from experiences, from the experiences you went through, and attracting the same issues and the same patterns in your life.
I always like to approach so many areas of my life, as a forever student eager to learn. If I'm listening to a podcast, or if I've invested in a digital program, or I'm listening to an audiobook, and I've heard this topic before. What good does it do for me to close it off?
I already know this. I already heard it. That's ego energy, right? That's ego energy being like, I'm good. I'm good. I don't need to learn any more.
But what I want you to consider is, you know, if you're listening to a podcast a second time, and it's something you really resonate with, you're like, oh, that podcast episode was so awesome.
You listened to it a second time, I guarantee you, you will pick up a different nugget of information you didn't hear the first time. Or say you watch a movie and you watch a movie The second time, you have a different perspective, watching that movie, and you're gonna pick something up that you didn't see the first time.
Even someone telling you have a story, say your friends telling someone else's story. And you're like, I've already heard this. And you kind of you're not really listening, you're not present.
Guaranteed, well, not guaranteed. But maybe this time when you hear that story, your friend is going to explain it in a different way. Or they left out a part that you might be like, Wow, that's so amazing. I didn't know that happened.
I always like to look at this with nutrition. Some of the stuff I learned in nutrition was really dry, really sciency kind of boring, okay, I've learned the same things over and over again I already know this.
I had this one teacher who was so dope, and she explained stuff that I had already learned, but in such a different perspective, that there was like a light bulb switch. I had this aha moment I had this breakthrough. I'm like, Wow, this all comes together full circle I understand this concept so much more.
So what I want to offer you is, even if you've learned something, or heard something multiple times, be open, be a sponge. And you will pick up something or view something that you didn't view from that insight or that perspective before.
I find that too many people have too much ego energy, too much ego energy, and having that lack of self awareness, just going through the motions of life and what I refer to as "do-da-do" your kind of your life is on autopilot.
This is the way the world is, this is just how I am. These are the cards I was doubt dealt. And that is straight up victimhood.
And when we live in fear, remember, fear is ego energy. Fear is victimhood mentality when we live in fear of an unwanted future. And we put our energy into that. Or we spend time focusing on all the obstacles we have to face in our past. But we look at all those obstacles as negative, and you don't see the silver lining of what you learned.
What I want you to consider when we live in those emotions of the past are those negative emotions, that something hasn't happened yet that we don't want to happen.
But you keep on thinking, I don't want this to happen. I don't want this to happen.
You are more likely to attract that into your life. I will say it again.
When we live in the emotions of the past those negative emotions, or something that hasn't happened yet, that we don't want to happen, we are more likely to attract that into your life. It's Law of Attraction like attracts like, like attracts like. So reframe. Reframe what you went through,
We all have a story, you don't have to have that meaning associated with what you went through. Right?
We all have a story. We all have different forms of trauma, some people's trauma more extreme than the next right. But some of the most inspiring and interesting people came from absolutely nothing came from darkness.
And they didn't take on that victim mentality. They took responsibility for their lives, and they grew from it. So do the inner work. Do the freakin inner work, not the surface level inner work, posting on Instagram on or on social media, Hashtag blessed hashtag meditation, hashtag spirituality. That's surface level.
That's a highlight reel, do the inner work without having to get validation. Do the inner work when no one is looking or watching or commenting or liking. Do the inner work for yourself. Because it's for no one other than yourself, taking on full responsibility for your life.
And tap into that more expansive, higher frequency, higher version and higher self because it frees you.
No matter how much inner work and personal development work you do. We are humans, I understand that we are not robots, we can revert back to old patterns. I do it I did it when I hired that contractor.
But I had to check myself right? Like check yourself before you wreck yourself because it's bad for your health. Right?
But when you have that higher level of self awareness, you learn to look at things more objectively. And you question your behavior and your beliefs.
So I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Tony Robbins. Life is happening for you, not to you.
Remember that life is happening for you, not to you. So that is everything for today's episode. I hope I gave you some insight and the importance of truly taking ownership and responsibility for your mother Effing life. That is all beautiful humans. Thank you so much for hanging out and spending time with me. The light in you shines within me and the light in me shines within you. Thanks for hanging out and I'll catch you next week.
Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed what you heard, make sure to subscribe to the podcast and if you feel you got some extra value from this episode, it would mean the world to me. If you could head over to Apple podcast or whatever service you're listening to this podcast on, drop a five star review. Let me know your thoughts in the show. Doing this really helps more people like yourself by the podcast. And if you're not already following me on social media right now is the time. You can find me on Instagram at Marja Chow for all your nutrition tips, tricks and inspiration, or visit my website at fat fuelled female.com where you can download my free seven day keto meal plan with recipes. Thanks so much for tuning in and I will catch you next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai